


Of Purity And Blood

by HerHighnessThePrincess



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M, im so somft for them, killugon is only implied but its still there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29276559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerHighnessThePrincess/pseuds/HerHighnessThePrincess
Summary: Killua is born with moonlight in his hair and a sea in his eyes. This is the story of what happens after.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	Of Purity And Blood

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not judge me for any grammar errors made in this fic. I typed it up on my phone while watching a Buffy The Vampire Slayer episode out of the corner of my eye. I just had inspiration in the moment and wanted to write it down.
> 
> TW: blood, child abuse, stabbing, general warning for the events of the Chimera Ant Arc described in the vaguest possible way. Vague spoilers ahead. 

Killua is born with snow white hair, a heart made of the purest starlight, and sky blue eyes with so much hope and happiness in them that they almost burst.

His parents do not look at him and see any of that. They do not see a child.

They see the _potential_.

\---

By the time Killua is five, he's washed more red out of his snowy hair than he can remember. His clothes are spattered with the stuff and his hands are stained with it. Sometimes, when the target cried or begs for their lives or mention their children or their parents or their _families_ he scrubs his hands until they bleed afterwards.

His eyes are still blue. But when he looks at himself in the mirror, he cannot stand how bright they are.

\---

Silva has him dye his hair black for a mission when he's eight. He wears contact lenses as well.

The stranger he sees staring back at him suits this life better, he thinks.

It almost makes him feel better when the woman he was sent to kill begs him to spare her until she has time to give birth, please, just spare my child please that's all I'm asking for-

\---

He never gets used to it. Never. When he looks at himself and sees clear, unblemished skin and white hair and bright blue eyes, he has to fight the urge to rake his nails down the side of his cheek because he doesn't _deserve_ it, he never has, he doesn't deserve life anymore, hasn't since he was three and took his first life, and someone like _him_ does not deserve all that he has.

Killua, at the age of 10, with moonlight hair and sapphire eyes and a twisted, blackened heart, does not deserve any of the life he has. Even if it is a life full of pain and regrets.

\---

Killua is eleven when he runs and doesn't look back, his mother's and brother's blood staining his hands and his clothes and his skin and everything, everything that he is-

He's eleven when he breaks into a motel and runs his hands under the tap until the skin is red and raw and bleeding and he digs his nails into his skin and pretends the liquid on his face is from the sink-

Killua raises his eyes to the mirror and sees them for the swirling cesspits they are.

\---

Killua is eleven when he meets _Gon_. Gon, who doesn't bat an eye when Killua tells him who he is, when Killua rips out a heart in front of him, who doesn't care when he sees Killua with red hair and hands, who laughs and smiles and says they're _friends_ despite everything Killua was and _is-_

Gon, who _comes_ for him, who drags Killua away from his family and bandages the cuts on his backs, actually seeming like he's _angry_ at what Killua's family did to him.

Gon, who makes Killua feel like he can be something better than he is.

\---

Killua is thirteen.

Killua is thirteen and the world smells of smoke and ash and _blood_. It's everywhere-it's on his hands, his clothes, his hair, his skin. He's breathing it in, choking on it-as if he never got away in the first place.

He never really did, did he. He can't.

The weight is heavy on his back and Killua can feel blood seeping onto his hair, his neck, his shoulders. When he stops to think about how much of it there is his breath catches in his throat, because he knows what blood looks and feels and smells like but it's never been Gon's before and that makes it so much worse and it's all he can do to keep on walking and not collapse where he is and cry until he's all out of tears-

Killua is thirteen when his life falls apart.

\---

Killua is thirteen when he pieces his life back together, painstakingly slowly, with tears and violence and Alluka and Nanika and so many more people that there's never going to be enough time in the world to thank all of them properly-

But it _works_. It works and Gon is _back_ , not as he was before, not with rage and anger and dark aura pulsing around him and sucking away everything that he is-

Gon is back and the first thing he does is hug Killua do tightly he feels like his limbs are going to burst.

He hugs Gon back just as hard.

And it's.... okay after that. It's never going to be perfect after what happened, never again. But it's so much better than the hospital, than Killua sitting there ripping his hair out with bloody hands because he can't stand leaving Gon's side for one second to clean them, and he's just listening, listening to the steady _beep-beep-beep_ of the monitor as he tries not to cry-

And it's so much better now. And even if Killua doesn't have Gon at his side anymore he still has Alluka, and that's enough for now.

He finally feels clean again.

**Author's Note:**

> I freaking love Killua, I swear to God. He’s my favorite character and I really wanted to write something about him. Now I just need to write down literally every other thought I have about him, which should take a while.


End file.
